I signed up for Boston

We went to Sonoma for a wedding and last minute decided to leave Marshall with my Grandma & Mom so it quickly turned into a vacation. It was relaxing, beautiful and we had a lot of fun. I forced myself to forget about my upcoming not so exciting adventure and just enjoy not taking care of another human being for 4 days, feeling strong and healthy. I might write more about the trip later, I don’t know.

Ever since I crashed and burned at the Indy Women’s half a few weeks ago and decided I wouldn’t be racing again until after my surgery. I went kind of blah. I talked about how I might try to rally and give myself another shot two weeks later, but decided against it. I decided to step back and just enjoy running for what it is. No pressure to run fast, no stress- just fun. Just running because it makes me feel good and it makes me do life better. 

The day of the race I had contemplated  doing ended up being perfect weather and I decided to run with friends and enjoy 13.1 with no pressure. It was fun, comfortable and happy. And afterward we enjoyed mimosas and plenty of good food. Not to mention, Amy ran a half marathon PR that day in an “unofficial” race. Although I’m calling it official. The course was mapped, measured and just like any real distance race- we all went over by at least .15 on the distance. Official or not, no one runs those tangents perfectly. I’m pretty excited to cheer for friends at the Monumental this year. Amy is gonna kill her PR and I’m confident she’ll break 4 hours. Yep, it’s out there Amy. 

But, I’m not good at not having a goal, while I have genuinely enjoyed running just for fun I can’t help but think about the things I want to accomplish and how I’ve got a decent road ahead of me before I can make that happen. 

Goals are what keep us going. Without goals, what is the meaning behind the workout? It feels a little  pointless to me. When I was pregnant, there was of course no time goals, but the goal to keep going and be strong through my pregnancy– it was a first so the goal was getting through it healthy, strong and in good shape. Running 3 miles the day before giving birth was something I’m still proud of. 

As I think about my recovery from the mastectomy, I have no idea what the next year will bring. And I’ve always said I’m not going to plan around what I think or hope might happen so I don’t turn things away thinking I might be doing something else. 

We always say we are only going to do Boston once every 5-7 years or something. We had planned on running together in 2012, but I ended up being 7 months pregnant at that time, so I happily cheered on the sidelines.

There are a lot of reasons to keep it a not so frequent race. It’s stupid expensive and there are a ton of other races we’d like to venture out to. I don’t want to spend every April in Boston and drop XX dollars when there are a million other places I haven’t been. And I know it might not be a popular statement, but like a lot of races-for the most part, once you’ve been…  you’ve been. 

We all know how incredibly special and amazing Boston will be next year. We weren’t there this year and even so, I felt very emotionally connected to what was happening to the community. We’ve both crossed that finish line and we’ve both been spectators at that finish line. It hit home. I know everyone running in 2014 will be honoring those effected by the tragedy and I want to be a part of it. 

I don’t know for sure if I’ll go– I can’t predict what will make most sense for our family at that time, but at least now I’ll have the option. If I do go- I’m doing some legit long runs down in Bloomington. I won’t let the hills won’t eat me in 2014 and all monon running won’t cut it. 

So for now- that’s my first “maybe” post surgery goal. My primary goal though is much more important than running any race. It’s to buck up, come out of this bad attitude and conquer this beast next week and the coming months as calmly and happily as I possibly can.