When Parenting is Terrifying.

Hi Friends! Can I just say holy wind on Saturday? Who in Indy was out running in that? I took a rest day, and ran long on Sunday instead. Still patting myself on the back for that good decision. It seemed like it just got more intense as the day went on. I was sitting in my living room and felt like a tree was going to come down on the house. I pictured all the trees in our front yard, particularly one that is dead and needs to be taken down— and thought, well at least it’s leaning away from the house to an empty lot. Though I knew nothing about what direction the wind was blowing from.

Later in the day, Marshall ran outside because his inflatable pool blew to the back of the yard and he wanted to rescue it. It was one of those parenting moments when your heart sinks thinking maybe I should not have let him run out there. We have a lot of old trees in our back yard… one in particular with a big branch that was just waiting to come fall off.

I stood on the porch for 2 long minutes thinking what if that branch fell on him and I’m just standing here like a dumbass in my slippers being too lazy to put shoes on not wanting to run out there with him. WHAT IF. And then sometime about 2 hours later that branch did fall. Glenn actually saw it fall.

If you know me, you know I’m not an overprotective parent. I don’t come running when my kid falls and gets a little bit hurt. Of course I sooth them, hold them, kiss what’s hurt, whatever. But I’m pro letting them try things that they could maybe fall a little if they do as long as I don’t see it being a real threat. Big Lou is a pro at going up and down our hardwood stairs and I just let him do it.

But yesterday was one of the few times I’ve had that pit in my stomach feeling like, oh my gosh that could have ended so badly. Another time was in the parking lot of the Dollar Tree on 38th St. I don’t even remember what I was picking up, but Marshall ran away from me from the car straight to the store through a busy parking lot, paying attention to nothing.

At that moment, you are mad that he ran away, but you are so glad that nothing happened and you want to scream at him and hold him at the same time. He was barely three when that happened and today at almost four, he still says he looks both ways before we cross the street, but he never really does. The thought that he could have been gone in an instant in that parking lot still makes me sick to my stomach. There have been other “scary” parking lot experiences for sure, but this was the worst.

And while we’re on it, the other memory that sits heavy with me, was Christmas Eve this past year. We got home late from Crown Point, around 11pm and put Lou straight to bed, but Marshall woke up from the car ride and we let him take some time to transition back to bed, because well we didn’t want to battle a temper tantrum. Glenn was unloading the car in the back. We have a secured backyard that is fenced in with a pull through carport we pull through as a driveway, BUT as Glenn was unloading- there was a shady car in the alley, right by the back of our back garage. We were thinking a drug deal. Glenn was in the back yard looking that way and calling the police to report it and Marshall busted out the the door and started running around the yard.

All I could picture was someone getting out of the car and shooting because they thought Glenn was calling the police. I screamed for Marshall to come in, he of course didn’t listen. And you never want to run to them when they are running away from you because then of course they will run further away from you. So you approach all stealthy hoping they don’t realize you are moving toward them. The car ended up driving off after another car made a quick stop and nothing happened, but me heart sank. And can you imagine if something even slightly bad happened? We totally would have been judged- Why did these people have their 3 year old up running around outside at 11pm?!

Ah, having little kids is truly terrifying sometimes. Really though, that’s only 1% of the time. Well, except anytime we’re in a busy parking lot. I don’t take a day with them for granted.

Don’t know why but I just dumped all that off to you guys. But there you go!

Before it got crazy windy on Saturday though- Glenn headed out for 18 miles and the boys and I helped out with a neighborhood alley clean up. They were actually really good (Marshall was who I was concerned might not be on the happiest behavior) and I was able to help more than I initially thought I’d be able to. I mean, Big Lou hung out in the wagon for almost the entire 2.5 hours.

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I know my posting has become a little sporadic since I started working on the podcast and it’s not that I haven’t had anything to say (there’s never a lack of that- ask the people who know me best) but I’ve just been choosing to use my energy in different ways.

I feel a little empty not keep up on here though-  even if I don’t have something super exciting to say, I have a sense of satisfaction when I have my blog updated. It’s my public journal I suppose. But one thing I don’t like to do is post just to post and sometimes I go through a week or so that I just feel grumpy and don’t want to do anything. I think it’s a hormone thing- you feel me?

With the podcast though, I just came out of a waiting period– I was waiting for my audio to get cleaned up and just got it back this morning, so today I’m uploading it to my audio hosting site and getting my RSS feed set up! I would say this Friday is realistic to expect it to be live. It really depends on how long it takes itunes to except the RSS feed because I plan to have that to them by tomorrow. Hopefully. Flying by the seat of my pants here though.

I don’t have any new episodes scheduled to record until early May, because I have 7 recorded and am launching with four so I’ve got four weeks of material ready to go!  I did just book Jamie Ivey– the person who inspired to get my own show started, and I’m super excited and a little nervous about that!

I hope you all had a great weekend and maybe I wasn’t the only one who had a terrifying moment where they thought their kid might get hit in the head with a huge tree branch. I’ll keep you all posted on when the the podcast is LIVE! SO SOON!!!!

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