Why I’m Staying Home.

I went back to work in September. I was fortunate to have a super flexible schedule, going into the office three days a week and putting in some evening and weekend hours. We found a couple of great babysitters (Butler students) and things were looking up.

As time went on, I started to realize I wasn’t willing to give the time necessary to execute everything that could and should be done with the job. There is a lot of exciting stuff going on right now, including the launch of a new team with Wheeler Mission, a potential new race and the list goes on. The position deserves more than I can give right now.

I love what I do with Back on My Feet (communications, PR, event planning, etc.) and am very passionate about our mission. I have learned a lot and grown so much, both personally and professionally. On top of that, I have been given the opportunity to meet some incredible people along the way.

Some of my favorite BoMF Memories:

Running James’ first marathon with him in 2011.  – Read about it here.

This was before a 5 miler I ran with Joe, one of our very first BoMF Members. Marshall was born three weeks after this race and sadly Joe passed away three weeks after that. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to run one of his last races with him. We miss him dearly.  Here is the BoMF post I wrote after he passed – Remembering Joe.
Some of the amazing people of BoMF, before the Carmel Marathon last year. 
And here I am back to work, at the Back on My Feet 42K Relay- post Marshall. I look happy and content… and  really I was… for the most part. BUT I had a break down in my my friend Emily’s kitchen when stopping by to borrow a table for the race the night before. I had been so busy planning this race that I felt like I hadn’t spent near enough time with Marshall. It was hard. I’m still glad I tried. 

Needless to say, My heart was torn. 

Torn. Because every time I leave the house for work, I linger around (ask the babysitters) and don’t really feel like leaving. At the same time, when I do go in to the office and have a great meeting or get excited about a new project, I come home feeling rejuvenated and excited about what’s going on. And also excited to see Marshman.

Then… we have the days when I’m home all day, and I’m ready for a drink the second Glenn walks in the door. That being said, I’ve got a lot on my mind when I’m home with him all day- constantly trying to buy time and get work done while he naps and feeling stressed knowing what I need to get done once he’s in bed.

There are a million different things I could say about this decision. A million positives and negatives for both working or staying home in my situation. But I’ve made my decision to stay home with Marshall and as much as I might have doubts sometimes, I have to go full steam and be confident that this is what’s right for our family.

I hear people all of the time tell me, they wish they could stay home. I understand a lot of people just can’t, BUT at the same time, by no means was staying home something that was a snap of the fingers, easy decision over here. Sure, I work nonprofit and by no means am the bread winner in this family, but it still effects us financially in a pretty big way. (we are and have been making changes. we cut our cable, (no dvr… ahh!), and are cutting out other extras we don’t need (without being crazies- no seriously I read a blog about a guy who hadn’t ate out at a restaurant in 4 years… um no). And lastly, it sure as heck effects me emotionally. I’m going to miss my work. I’m going to miss having the alone time that you get when you drive in to work… ALONE. It’s gonna be a transition. 

I so clearly remember, three weeks after Marshall was born, swinging on the front porch swing with him, while babysitting our niece Giovanna, feeling completely sleep deprived  thinking- this is not what I want. I do not want to spend all day, every day taking care of kids, I want some freedom, some me time.

I’m not going to say that I went back to work or that I will soon be staying home from work to sacrifice for Marshall. Because really, we all know that Marshall would be just fine weather I stay home or not. If I take an honest look at why I  went back to work in the first place and why I have now decided to stay home. It was for me then and it is for me now. Because I know if my family is going to be happy, I have to be happy myself.

I had hoped that in going back to work I could find that perfect balance, but what I ended up being was fearful of (and still am) blinking and wondering where it all went. I know that will happen either way.

In general I enjoy a busy schedule, it makes me feel satisfied to check things off my list everyday. Which is why I was excited to go back to work and check off my BIG LIST everyday. After all, I’d have that flexible schedule. Why not get up at 4am and knock out a few hours of work before the rest of the world rises and then once 7am rolls I’ve already accomplished a lot.

Turns out I like the thought of being busy more than actually being busy. Yes, I need purpose to be happy, but not necessarily “busy purpose” and being busy doesn’t mean you have purpose.

It also turns out, I like to sleep. Now, if becoming a mom has taught me one thing, it’s that you CAN function and be productive on a lot less sleep than you think. But I don’t want to live like that. I just don’t.

Now, what I REFUSE to do is get stuck in a rut and get depressed about being home all the time. 

There are organizations and issues I am passionate about, but I know I can’t give the attention I’d like to give them if I’m so busy, not sleeping a lot and running around checking things off my list all the time. 

Believe it or not, I’m also excited to start cooking more (happens about 1-2 times a month right now, Glenn pretty much cooks dinner every night… don’t hate me, he actually likes to cook, but will very much appreciate me stepping up in the department). 

I hear people say all the time- don’t waste your time always making sure you have a clean house- embrace the messy and spend that time with your kids. Well guess what, if I’m going to be home – I can do both. I’m generally a much happier person when my house is clean and orderly. I get similar endorphin’s getting my house clean as I do running 10 miles. 

And then there’s the running. We all know I like to run. I like to workout and yes I’m going to be one of those stay at home moms at the gym and target in the middle of the day on a weekday. I’m really grateful I get to be one of those moms. 


And you know the kids club at LA Fitness will be my saving grace most days. Two hours of childcare. Those ladies are going to grow to hate me and know me as the woman who leaves her kid in there for exactly 1 hour and 59 minutes. And for $10 extra a month on the membership? Done. 

Basically, what I’m saying is, I’m going to try my hardest to kick ass at this stay at home thing. I know it won’t always be easy but I will set goals for myself and our family and it’s gonna be alright. 

Let me know if you know any fun, awesome stay at home moms in Indy- I’d love to connect. 

Marshall on a mission to knock those blocks over. How many times a day will I play this game in the next 6 months? Here we go….

Lot’s of alone time with you and I coming up buddy. Are you ready?

Anyway, I’ve got 5 or 6 more weeks on the job and lot’s of running going on, so I’m going to embrace the busy for a few more weeks.

Are you a mama who stays home? Or Works? 
What are your tips and tricks for succeeding in being the stay at home mom or a working mom? 

Comments

  1. Meg

    There were so many things in this post that I went “yes!! that!!” to. Beautifully written and I think your bottom line is spot on… if you’re happy, your family will be happy. I hope you enjoy your days at home with Marshall! He is adorable!!

  2. I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now. I’m so glad to hear that you are going to stay home. I have been a stay at home mom for 11 years. It’s not easy, financially, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything! My husband and I even moved to allow me to stay home. I love the fact that I get to be so involved in my children’s lives. Plus, by staying home, I get to feed my addiction…..running. At the beginning, we couldn’t afford a gym membership so I would run with a jog stroller. However, we are in CA where the weather allows for that pretty much year round. Good luck and you will be a great mom and create many memories.

  3. Jennifer- thank you for reading and thank you for the encouraging comments! I am nervous and excited all at the same time for this new chapter. It will make the running addiction much easier to balance… I do love running with the jogging stroller and am only slightly jealous that you live in CA where you can do that YEAR ROUND… that is amazing. I’m thinking below 35ish, is a little cold for baby. I did take him out for a run bundled up when it was 38 and sunny the other day though- my face & hands were cold when were returned but he was nice and toasty! Thanks again for your note!

  4. Hi Lindsey! Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. Obviously you’ve put a lot of thought into it. I’ve always considered “stay home moms” so lucky. If you guys can swing the finances, that’s great. I wish I could share the experience, I just think a long time from now you’ll look back and be so thankful that you did it. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! Look forward to seeing a lot more posts from you now! Love, Becky

  5. Hi Lindsey. I just started reading your blog about a month ago. I have a 14 month old and I work part time and stay at home part time. I really understand the struggle of balancing. Pretty much everything you said I have felt at some point in time. It does get easier and I am sure you will do great with staying home! Good luck!

  6. Hey Lindsey! I am so glad I found your blog. I look forward to following you. This post was very well written. While the decision is VERY tough, I am glad you made it and have a positive attitude so you can move forward. Life at home is very challenging, but I think once you get in a routine, you will really enjoy it, especially since you are such an active person. I taught stroller fitness for a year, I trained for a half marathon when my first daughter was a baby, and now I am training for another half marathon and running on a daily basis with my double running stroller. You can always go back to work, but you will NEVER get these precious years with your baby back. Enjoy it and make the best of it! Have fun running, at Target and cooking 😉 Hope all is well!

  7. Anonymous

    You should rename your blog to “First World Problems”.

  8. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement guys! 🙂 Lindy- I’ve hoped on your blog a time your two – I’m excited to start this new chapter!

  9. Anonymous- haha good point. Although I don’t really think of this decision as a “problem” I had…. I would be fortunate to be able to work at a job I love and also fortunate to stay home. 🙂 But, yes this decision I had to make was very “first world” so I see where you are coming from!

  10. Great post Lindsey! Although I am not a mom yet, I hope to be one day and know I will go through this same decision process. Thanks for sharing your insight and thoughts- good to hear from others who I know have similar things in common 🙂 Thanks again and hope you’re doing well!

  11. This sounds eerily familiar. 13 years ago I made the exact same choice. I went back to work after my first child, had a very flexible schedule and felt like I could find the balance. By the time she was 12 months old I realized I couldn’t. I cut back my hours, it still didn’t work. When she was around 18 months old I walked away from work – and the work life I swore I’d never leave. I ended up carving out a small business for myself (marketing communications) and it has given me just the balance I was seeking. I have a few hours each day to do something with “grown ups” and the rest of the time with the kids. All the flexibility I need and still have the knowledge that I’m contributing to something outside the house. It was never an easy choice but I’ve never regretted it. (And the babysitters at our Y have been very good to my children over the years as I got my much-needed workout break!) Good luck as you start this next phase!

  12. Good decision here. Not a lot of suggestions I can offer, but it sounds like you made a great choice for you and your family 🙂

  13. Barb- too funny- and amazing that you’ve been able to work on your small business and find such a great balance. I hope to be able to work on coaching and other side things to have another focus as well! Thank you for the words of encouragement.

    Raina- thanks for the encouragement- I appreciate it- also think I just found you on twitter!

  14. Lindsey, you are an awesome mama and the decisions you have made thus far–to return to work after Marshall and then to put aside a job you love to stay home with him–are to be commended. Neither was one that you went into without a lot of soul-searching, and now you will have the perspective of both sides–working mom and at-home mom. To be in a position financially where you can choose to stay home and to have a spouse who supports that position is a huge blessing. While the the life of an at-home mom is not exactly glamorous, it is time well spent. Remember this–the days are long, but the years are short. Enjoy them while they last.

    1. Thank you Barbie. 🙂 Appreciate the words- I’ll try to make the at-home mom as glamorous as I can… once or twice a month at least!!

  15. I just want to tell you that I am just all new to weblog and certainly enjoyed your blog. Most likely I’m going to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly have excellent article content. Many thanks for sharing with us your blog site.

Add A Comment