Telling the Doubt to GO AWAY.

I came home from work majorly grouchy on Tuesday. I know this is dumb, but it’s race nerves. It’s dumb because I’m not trying to win this marathon, my income doesn’t depend on my PR, it’s JUST A RUN. Why am I being such a head case.

I started thinking about the list I made for what I want to think about when I race on Sunday and am trying to put things into perspective. What is the point of letting this race get in my head and make me freak out?

This morning I read Kris Law’s post on her workouts for the week and she talked about how she was EXCITED to race on Sunday. (She is running the Shamrock Half and she ain’t slow!) She didn’t say she was nervous, freaked out or grouchy, but excited. And why shouldn’t she be? Why shouldn’t I be? You work hard, you train hard and then you get out there and let the hard work pay off.  Will it hurt? Yes. But the workouts hurt too and I survived those just fine.

The reason I’m typing all of this out is because I’m trying really hard to speak it so I’ll believe it. 

Every morning when I wake up, the thought of the hard workouts and races seem impossible to me, I think about how hard my body has to work and when I’m under the covers in the dark room, I wonder to myself why the heck do I do it.

Then… once I’m out of bed and have been awake for more than 30 minutes, I remember the finish. I force myself to think about how it feels to finish- whether it’s finishing an easy run, hard workout, great race, any kind of finish.. and I think about how my days, my attitude, who I am as a mother and wife is so much better because I put my time in and finish.

Completing a project feels good and this marathon has been my project for the past few months. I didn’t work hard to put in mediocre effort on race day. While I feel doubtful about it at times, the pace and the distance just seems daunting. I am going to say out loud that I can do it and that I believe. And when it hurts on Sunday, I’m going to speak it out loud and I’m going to PUSH.