Early September I had my second miscarriage. I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant and wasn’t expecting to lose another baby.
I assumed it would take my body a while to regulate and decide it was time to be pregnant again, but apparently it didn’t need time. I was pregnant within a month of the miscarriage. We were in Miami for Glenn’s ½ Ironman and headed down to Key West for vacation. I knew I was late and had already started feeling sick. I avoided yummy drinks and food for most of the trip, not because I thought I was pregnant, (was definitely in denial) but just because I felt sick.
We got home on Friday and I had big plans on Saturday- to run the Monumental Marathon with my friend James. His first marathon. I wasn’t super trained to run a marathon, but had thrown in a 20 miler and a couple of 15’s. I knew the marathon would be much slower than my normal pace, so was only worried about the time I would be out there on my feet. Time wise, longer than I have ever run, by a good 45 minutes or so. The marathon was amazing- one of the best experiences of my life, but that night and the next day my nausea told me to go ahead and take a test.
|James & I finishing 26.2 – at 6 weeks pregnant|
Positive. I wasn’t shocked. It was the most non-chalant “I’m pregnant moment” in the world. I’ve seen the positive tests before and knew this guaranteed me no baby. This time, it was a moment of, do I get excited? Am I scared? Can I handle another loss? Ahhh, what happens if he or she decides to stick around and I get to see my husband holding a sweet baby in the summer? So the waiting game began…. and it went on…. and on….
After the most recent miscarriage, I had big plans on running the Myrtle Beach Marathon with Glenn in February. Well, not really with him. He is shooting to run a 2:55 and I wanted to go 3:15. As many people do, I have found it is easier to deal with hard circumstances when you have a goal and something to spend your energy on in a positive way. Last year, we started training for the Piney Point Marathon 4 weeks after the first loss. I know for sure it got me through the rain. And I ran a 10 minute PR. (I want another one of those!) I don’t lie when I say running is my daily “happy pill”-sometimes you just need a bigger dose than usual.
I’ve taken it very easy the first 15 weeks of this pregnancy. (other than the whole running a marathon thing at 6 weeks) And by easy- I mean since I found out, I’ve kept my running to less than 5 miles and spent a lot of time on the couch feeling nauseated with some really fun headaches. I don’t believe running had anything to do with the first two miscarriages, and I have not cut my miles so severely for that reason, I’ve just felt extra sluggish and figured this would be the perfect time to rest. I’ve always been tad bit of jealous of people I’d see at the gym who seem to be content with hopping on the elliptical for 30 minutes with a book and calling it a workout…. so I have been taking advantage of being that person for once. (Although now that I’m feeling much better… I’m getting a little ansy here and have plans to pick up mileage and workouts a bit)
Needless to say I won’t be running Myrtle Beach in February and come April I will most likely be a cheerleader for Glenn and all my other running friends at Boston. I earned it, so I’ll gladly pick up my packet and possibly purchase a new sweatshirt though. I have debated doing a run/walk at 7 months pregnant but decided that might end up being a miserable 6 hours.
I know that miscarriages are common, but I know they are also kept very quiet and through my experience, that made me feel alone. It’s always someone saying “oh they are so common, my friend had one…” The fact that it is common might ease your nerves a bit, but it does not mask the pain of the loss. I am beyond grateful to have a solid, loving and understanding husband to ride along with during these ups and downs. There will never be a person who gets me more than him.
On another note, one of my favorite speakers is Joyce Meyer– because she tells it like it is and doesn’t let you sit around and feel sorry for yourself. When I go through rough patches, I lean on her teaching to help myself move forward.
“Our joy does not have to be based on our circumstances.” – Joyce Meyer
There are many days that this is a struggle, but I try really hard to live by those words.
Stay tuned for running updates- as I will continue to run through my pregnancy and if I can ever convince Glenn to finish off his ½ Ironman blog, he’ll make some appearances as well. Perhaps I’ll have to write entries on Myrtle Beach & Boston for him. The cheerleader’s perspective.
– Cheers to overcoming hard times, staying positive and new life.