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25 to Life

On Monday, I was supposed to do an 11 mile run. I was running low on time because we were going to see a movie at 7:00. I decided to just do 10, because that even put the time at 6:15, and I still had to make it home, jump in the shower and get up to Keystone and the Crossing by 7:00. It took me a while to get home because people were already driving 10 MPH because of the weather.

Finally, I walked in the door completley drenched in sweat and Glenn looks at me as says “You ready?” “Um, no I’m not, but give me 10 minutes and make me a PB&J and I will be.” Let’s be honest…. that is a quick turn around, and I am proud to say I got it done… and had a happy husband because he wasn’t late to his mountain biking movie. (Ride the Divide – Really good by the way, and now of course Glenn wants to ride the continental divide someday… oh boy, here we go!)

Back to the run though…. it was a treadmill run, due to the fact that it was freezing out and the terrible weather for the week was beginning as I ran. I practiced my normal method of song counting to make the time pass. When I make a workout playlist, I pick songs that will do any of these things:

1. Motivate me
2. Inspire me
3. Have lyrics I can relate to my own life
4. Make me want to dance
5. Lift my spirits
6. Make me laugh
7. Bring back a good memory
8. Quiet me down
9. Fire me up
10. Keep my mind busy

A lot of times I can usually find a way to relate my life to the lyrics of songs. It’s not always deep… I mean if we are talking “Club can’t handle me” by Flo Rida, I don’t neccessarily relate it to my life, but I think about being out and dancing to the song and just having a good time… feeling good because I banged out a ridiculous run. Sometimes the music is very relatible to a real issue that is much deeper than having a good time. I recently bought the new Eminem Recovery Album and have been listening to that a lot lately.

One of the songs on this Album that I really like is called “25 to Life”. Eminem seems to be talking about his crazy relationship with his ex wife and with his rap career. He talks about how he has devoted his life to something and gotten nothing in return. I actually googled the meaning behind the lyrics and it seems to explain exactly what I took from the song.

When I listen to this song I relate it to how my whole life I have battled with constantly being fearful of what might happen. Weather it is a health concern, staying home by myself at night, flying, driving on the highway when it’s rainy, riding my bike on a highway when it’s raining (well… let’s be honest most people would be fearful of this right?!) you name it… if I let one little “what if” pop into my mind, fear takes over. This is something I have struggled with my whole life and continue to struggle with, but actively try to overpower that emotion with hope and confidence.

Here is a small sample of the lyrics of this song: (Keep in mind this is Eminem… some of his lyrics can be unpretty)

“Now my respect I demand it: I’mma take control of this relationship Command it, and I’mma be the boss of you now, And what I mean is that I will no longer let you control me. So you better hear me out, this much you owe me
I gave up my life for you, totally devoted to you I have stayed
Faithful all the way–this is how I f*ing get repaid?”

I envision the “relationship” he is talking about below as my relationship with fear. When I’m running and I hear this song and my endorphins are pumping, I hear these words and think “I HAVE THE CONTROL, I CAN CONQUER MY FEARS”, it is always easier of course to feel powerful and in control when you have those natural feel good “drugs” pumping through your blood, Which is one of the exact reasons (amoung many of others) that I run.

Working hard, and sweating brings a great deal of peace in my life. From as long as I can remember I have been fearful of so many things things, some ridiculous, some not. I do know that one thing holds true, that without running I’m not sure how I would have dealt with some of my biggest hurtles with fear and doubt.

I want to thank you, Eminem for giving me these words when the fear of whatever it may be creeps up into my head. I’ll let him finish off this blog with the last part of his song, when you read it, think about whatever emotion or relationship you need to get rid of and tell it to go home, you won’t entertain it anymore.

“I feel like when I bend over backwards for you all you do is laugh
Cause that ain’t good enough
You expect me to fold myself in half ’til I snap
Don’t think I’m loyal? All I do is rap
How can I moonlight on the side? I have no life outside of that
Don’t I give you enough of my time? You don’t think so, do you?
Jealous when I spend time with the girls
Why I’m married to you still, man
I don’t know, but tonight I’m serving you with papers
I’m divorcing you: go marry someone else and make ’em famous
And take away their freedom like you did to me
Treat ’em like you don’t need ’em and they ain’t worthy of you
Feed ’em the same shit that you made me eat, I’m moving on, forget you
Oh, now I’m special? I ain’t feel special when I was with you
All I ever felt was dissed, helplessness, imprisoned by a selfish B*
Chew me up and spit me out, I fell for this so many times it’s ridiculous
And still I stick with this–I’m sick of this
But in my sickness and addiction, you’re addictive as they get
Evil as they come, vindictive as they make em
My friends keep asking me why I can’t just walk away from
I’m addicted to the pain, the stress, the drama, I’m drawn to
Shit, I guess I’m a mess, cursed and blessed, but this time
I ain’t changing my mind, I’m climbing out this abyss
You’re screaming as I walk out that I’ll be missed
But when you spoke of people who meant
The most to you, you left me off your list
F* you, hip hop! I’m leaving you — my life sentence is served”

Oh and I just started doing twitter and yes I am following EMINEM!!/LindseyHein/following

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