Today marks one year since I had my surgery.
One year ago today, I was sitting in the prep room trying to be brave.
What I remember so clearly is how great all of the nurses who took care of me both pre and post surgery. The ladies who were prepping me were so amazing at making me feel calm.
What I remember so clearly is leaving my parents house very early in the morning and driving up to Indy in mostly silence with Glenn, who was probably scared to talk because he didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what would make me cry. It was a strange morning. I remember looking out the car window with tears.
But certainly the most emotional time was going into the plastic surgeon who would be putting my tissue expanders in. Getting marked- and talking about the aftercare- that made it all real. It made it all feel a little more final than all of the talking about it we’d done in the past. It was only hours away at that point and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was scared.
To say, I am thankful is an understatement. Thankful that I had the courage to take the BRCA test to see if I was positive for the mutation. Thankful, I was young and my health had and have not yet been effected. Thankful that I’ve had a wonderful platform to share my story and an amazing network of support. It just feels special when someone you haven’t talked to in years reaches out and simply tells you they’re thinking of you or praying for you. It makes you realize that you shouldn’t think twice next time you want to reach out and support someone with a kind word- even if you hardly know them. Every word is heard and it makes you feel stronger.Happier. Loved.
Do I feel brave for doing what I did? Heck yes I do, it took a lot of courage just to get the blood test. This is something I was terrified about for years. Something I thought about daily ever since I found out my mom was positive three years prior.
But the truly brave people are the people who sit down at the doctors office and are told they have cancer and endure everything that goes with that. Specifically right now I’m thinking of Tammy– Mike’s wife. She found out she had breast cancer in the spring- only then to find out she also has a form of blood cancer- that had it not been for her early breast cancer diagnosis, it wouldn’t have been found early. She has tackled this thing head on with the most positive and inspiring attitude. I encourage you to read this post she wrote- and slow down today. She will make you smile and hopefully realize how important it is to embrace where you are right now and not get caught up in things that don’t matter.
The brave person is my Grandma, who just stopped treatment for Ovarian Cancer that she’s been battling since 2007. This is a brave women. She doesn’t waste a minute and rather than worrying about what ifs- she spends her time and energy figuring out how she can live every day to the fullest. And I’m not just saying that.
Marshall & My Grandma (His Mimi) on Sunday:
So while I do feel brave and I do want to keep sharing my story to encourage others to be proactive with their health, I really want to recognize that I’m not the one fighting a tough battle (other than my own silly fears). I’m the lucky one. Today I’m thankful. I’m thankful for my health, the baby growing inside me, my little boy and my husband who puts up with my crap.
I’m thankful for the exciting year to come. I’m not totally sure how I’ll handle the newborn sleep deprivation this time around (I was a head case the first 3 months of Marshall’s life- Glenn probably still has nightmares about it) – and it’s been quite a while since I’ve had a baby waking me up in the middle of the night. (we are lucky for a good sleeper & although it was really hard, I’ll never regret the week of crying it out we endured for the years of good sleep we’ve had in return) But my whole point here is – when sleep returns to a bit of normalcy and my body is ready I’m excited to start training and pursing goals when the time is right. Next summer/fall- you’re mine. I believe it is so important to have your own goals and dreams outside of being a parent and I’ll happily use running as an outlet to pursue those and burn off the (mostly good) stress parenthood sometimes brings.
Thank you everyone who has supported me in the past year. I have felt the love and am thankful for each of you!